Hello there!
Today has been one of those days where nothing really goes to plan, I mean it's not like I had huge plan for today, you know like going outside. Nonetheless there are little things that I wanted to do, like I said yesterday I wanted to do more of my spreadsheets, to prep a bit more for Uni, I was also going to check out some of the new books that I will need for the new term, see prices and if they are worth buying or of there are alternative ways of me getting a hold of them. Also doing a bit of chores around the house, I do this most days but I kinda wanted to organise the bathroom a little bit because I have kind of destroyed my mum's bathroom with all my washing and crap.
So you see I mean it was little things but in the long term may have been useful to me. However this didn't really go to plan. I woke up this morning at about ten and my mum was home from work, I as confused because she didn't have a day off and she usually finishes a lot later. Turns out she had come home a lot earlier because she wasn't well and had went back to bed. Now my mum is a stubborn and proud woman, so it takes a lot for her to actually admit to herself and her work that she can't do the day and needs to go home, so granted I was annoyed because she said she thinks she hurt herself yesterday lugging around stuff. This makes me so angry because her work really do just walk all over her, and she will moan and complain, but they don't really give a shit. They Know that she shouldn't be doing all the heavy lifting, she's a bloody bakery supervisor for christs sake not a fucking delivery driver. Anyway that is my rant over with. For now at least/
I did do some of my spread sheet and a bit of cleaning and organising, but no where near as much as I thought because I wanted to take care of my mum, make her lunch, keep her company and let her vent to me about her job, which I think she definitely needed to do.
So today I kinda feel a bit useless, I know that sounds stupid because plans change and you can't live life exactly how you plan, but I felt like I was getting somewhere and motivating myself to do something that mattered even if it was small steps, it still felt useful. Where as now I have spent the majority of the day either napping (which was a huge mistake) or looking at clothes and make up on line that I definitely cannot afford. I have no idea why I do this, and what's worse is that I am not looking at designer stuff, there's no prada or chanel, I am looking at brands like top shop and river island, so in theory I can afford it when I get paid, when in actual fact I really can't. But I look at something and think, well that is doable, I can treat myself, squeeze that out of my budget. However I do that with everything I find that I like the look of, and then end up just feeling sorry for myself because there is no chance in hell that I will get those things....women.
Honestly though I do just love mindlessly browsing at make up brands and clothes, its like I am making a mental list in my head of things I could buy if I had the money, I don't know why I am torturing myself like this but I think the logic side of Keeley says to herself get that one thing, and start a collection slowly. Which I think is sensible, I know that this is a dangerous thought, because once you buy one thing you are like more more more, but to be honest because I spend most of my time just looking by the time it comes round to buying something I talk myself out of it anyway, so I don't think I am at a risk of losing control. But I really cannot wait to go shopping, it has been so long since I have just bought something that I really really wanted, just to make myself happy and to say you know what I think I deserve this.
When analysing myself I think my diversity in personality traits is one of the things that I am most proud of, and probably the thing that confuses me too. The fact that you are neither one thing or the other, I love make up and fashion, but I also love games and comic books, I can help my mum get ready for a night out, and talk to my brother about up and coming films. I love that I have this duality that I can be the tom-boy that my brothers raised, but also the young woman that I taught myself to be. I think that is me, I will soak up another persons personality and work with it, If you are having a bad day, I will be caring and compassionate, or silly to try and cheer you up. Like today, when I went to bed I had an idea of what 'type' of Keeley I wanted to be the next day, the organising get things done Keeley, But things changed and I was the caring, listening Keeley. I know it sounds very odd to talk about myself like this, but I don't think it is a negative thing to be able to work off of someone's personality, I feel like it just makes me a more rounded person and a person that almost anyone could feel comfortable talking to?
Anyway it is weird talking positively about myself, but if you read back previous posts you will know that I need to start recognising the good in me, and stop dwelling on the bad. So here's the song for today, dedicated to my mum, plus I love the album this is from...enjoy!
Till Tomorrow.
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