Make it Though.

Hello!

Sorry there was no post yesterday, but I was too busy having fun with my friend. Which was great played loads of games, had great long chats and just generally had a great time I have said it before but it is still very apparent that we can ave a good time be silly mess around but also we can talk about real stuff, which we did, lots of important things and it was so great to discuss life with someone and not feel like I had to sugar coat anything or feel that I was being judged. This was a very good feeling! This is a bitter sweet thing though because it was great but probably the last time I will see her in a while as I am going back to university in 2 weeks...this scares the shit out of me, not going to lie.

We had strawberry cider and mini muffins..nom nom nom!

Yeah, despite all the fun times I had yesterday and most of today, I am actually beginning to get very scared, and I kind of feel stupid for because I am going into my second year, so I should be fine. However the truth is I am not, its like I have had months of not having to worry doing work, or impressing people, or managing large amounts of money, and in two weeks I am going to be chucked back into it. This is a scary prospect for me, I am getting more organised though, which is helping I just hope I can settle in quickly and get back to work and fall back into it like I never left...I am wishful thinking. 

Part of me is thinking things are going to go better and that things can and will go smoothly, but the other part of me is a scared, lonely mess that thinks everything is going to go wrong, and that I am not going to get through the second year. I am of course worried that all the goals  that I am trying to set for myself to achieve this year are just going to fail straight away. I know that there is no point thinking like this because it wont help, but I honestly just can't stop it. I am planning to start my reading list tomorrow, for definite, I am going to force myself to do at least a little bit just so when I do go back I don't leave myself with too much work. 

So like I said above Me and my friend did have long chats about lots of different topics, and it was so lovely to have someone who understood what I was saying, and also as weird as it may be it was also refreshing to have someone talk at me and trust me with their worries and insecurities, because it makes you feel trusted and needed. Which are two great feelings to have. Yes I am getting more and more scared about having to uproot back to University again, because I am going to be pretty far away from the people I want to be close to, however this makes the time I spend with them more valuable. I think I am feeling more pressure for this second year of Uni to go well because I pretty much fucked up the first year, but I want to be able to let go bit more, branch out of my comfort zone and try to achieve what I want to be happy. Of course that is not going to be easy but I am going to remain positive!

I am still in a good mood though, and hopefully I get a good rest and wake up feeling good tomorrow!

Anyway here is the song for today.

till tomorrow!