Hello There!
Today I am not so good at all. It seems that I may have jinxed myself with all the positivity, because today when I went to make an order of some stuff I needed to move out with I couldn't get them delivered to my new house, which was very annoying, and I know it doesn't sound like a major issue, and its not but its just the fact that I have been seeing everything, even particularly bad things in a positive light but it just seems like the universe was like no look even though you think you have planned every detail and sorted things everything can't go that smoothly so it fucks something up for me.
Despite this being a small issue, and I know it sounds so petty of me to get so annoyed over a little thing but it has a knock on effect, and for me that knock on effect is money and the lack of it I have, this means I will have to wait till the day we move to buy stuff, before I have the right money, which means going into a shop with suitcases and bags, and its just stress that I could of avoided if things just went right. What is disheartening is that I love to be organised and I love to not just wing things, because of the thought of failing or letting someone down, but it seems that more stuff goes wrong when I do plan. I tried to not stress earlier, I was actually quite calm for a while thinking of other solutions, and I was proud of myself for a bit but then I was thinking of all the hassle this one tiny thing has caused because of all the knock on effects it has and then I just kinda felt a bit crap because like I said for someone who tries so hard to get their life in order, it seems like it has a way of screwing up something.
I told myself at the start of this blog that I wanted to be more positive and stop expecting the worst, however life has proved once again that as soon as I start thinking positive and get my shit together something goes wrong and I am back to square one again. I know it seems like I am over reacting but someone out there must have this too, I think it has effected me so much because I have been in this good mood, I have been motivated and actually taking steps to understand myself better and make myself a happier person. This has just been a kind of kick in the teeth back to reality moment, where
sometimes life just has to be unnecessarily difficult
I know I am making this sound so dramatic, and I am annoyed with myself that something quite tedious can push me so far. It has been resolved now though, kind of I have made new arrangements and I am going to try and plan how much things will cost against how much money I have tomorrow, I know that life is not easy, but that is why I make lists and try and prepare, and when you do that and things still mess up it kinda seems like your effort is pointless. Nonetheless I am going to keep making lists because that is just who I am and most of the time things go kind of to plan.
I am not in the positive, motivated mood today that I have been in the last couple of days, and to be honest I am very worried that it is only going to get worse and more problems are gonna surface in the next week, I am trying so hard to push these thoughts out of my head and think positive and just say to myself don't worry if something goes wrong you can sort it out, but it is so much harder than that.
Hopefully tomorrow I can get things back on track and get myself out of this vortex of bad thoughts, but I guess we shall have to wait and see.
Here is the song for today, (I really love this song, it is a very big and dramatic song so be warned, but it is brilliant)
Till tomorrow.
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