Hello There!
So yeah....it's been a while. Lots has happened over the past few months, some really great things and some not so great. I'm not gonna go into that all that much but I'm sure I will mention some things at a later date.
But as you can tell from the title this post is about anxiety. Last night I had my first anxiety attack for a while. Which made it a bitch to get to sleep so consequently I am feeling gross this morning. It's exam season so panicking and stress is natural but it is disconcerting when you have been doing fairly well to have an attack you start to wonder if its all flooding back. It is sometimes hard to feel like you have complete control over yourself especially if you are dealing with anxiety. On the one hand you think you are coping really well and then your body and brain is like Naaahh you are still a mess. I guess I wanted to write this post to just remind myself that my anxiety is still there but also reassure myself that I can handle it.
Anxiety comes in many different forms and it is different for everyone. I stress about lots of things, sometimes they are so insignificant people look at me like I am crazy like why are you getting stressed about something so minuscule. But I over think and worry and essentially think that only bad things can happen. Most days I feel stupid/silly, and I am constantly worried about what others think of me. I make up scenarios in my head constantly and sometimes it does feel extremely difficult to focus on whats happening in the moment. I'm always too focused on what is gonna go wrong tomorrow. That being said lately I have been handling it reasonably well. I am trying to take life slowly day by day and not over plan things but I still have a lot of work to do. At night is when my anxiety tends to be worse I have no distractions from the thoughts in my head which mostly consists of, 'what if this happens, what if I cant do that thing, why am I so useless' and so on. This for me is very annoying it makes me question whether the progress I make is actually real and also I wanna get to sleep and my head is like ahhhhhh!
Eventually, after browsing websites looking at scented candles,copper plant pots and Makeup. I got to sleep.
The truth is I was scared last night, I kept thinking that I cant be bad again and I have to push everything down, what if everyone finds out I can't cope. But then I realised in this point in my life I couldn't be surrounded by better people. I have support, people who I can talk to if it does get too much and just thinking that made me happy knowing that although the anxiety and stress is still there at the surface I'm still gonna laugh more than panic because I have people around me that I can joke with and they bring me back down to earth and away from the negative thoughts.
This isn't advice it's my self help I know everyone has different experiences and copes differently and I don't know what is gonna happen in the future but right now I have no time to be scared I just have to focus on my exams and focus on the things that make me happy. Everyone is moving about so quickly and days are flying by but as long as each day you can think of one thing that makes you really happy you will want to take in every moment.
Here is the song for today :) I needed this this morning!
Till the next time!!
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